If I shackled your feet
So you couldn't leave
Would you try and run?

If I promise not to fight
At least not tonight
Would you stay the night?

If I wore that little dress
You like the best
Would you pass my test?

If I poured another drink
What would you think
About staying in?

If I was sincere
And whispered my fears
Would you still be here?

Would you stay?
Would you stay with me?"

...Forever? ♥

Forever 21 was huge. Seriously, it was almost like a department store. The crowd resembles a holiday rush/last-minute shopping.

I found a denim vest on a mannequin but unfortunately, it was already reserved. I run through racks of clothes, tried some and end up a bit disappointed. I WANT that vest. I already know what I want. I couldn't seem to get over it and find something better. I like the clothes but I couldn't choose. Trust me, you will have a hard time picking. Did I mention that the place was huge and full of clothes and accessories?

(^Sorry, I'm in no mood for taking pictures. I'm busy roaming around. :P)

And so I ended up buying <insert guess what's inside that yellow plastic bag>.

Anyway, I was satisfied. I think I will go back to bring more damage to my wallet when it recovers. The prices were cheaper than Topshop, Mango and Zara. 

But before we went to the epic-almost-2-hour-shopping-of-mine, we had lunch at Chef's Quarter. I only ate dessert 'coz I already had lunch at school. The food and the place was pretty good.

Chef's Quarter Pasta

CQ Surprise

 Tiramisu 

Chef's Quarter is located at 3F SM Megamall Atrium.

...I wish Urban Outfitters will finally come to Philippines too!

(Hello, me. I'm still a girl pala trapped in a girl's body.)

 I think photos are more effective motivators because you get to visualize your goals.

1.  Start overcoming fears. Ride a loopy rollercoaster.

2. Acads. Do your best, dean's lister or not.

3. Get fit fitter. Work[out] hard.

....and they say committing publicly is another technique.

 But more than anything else, attitude is still the key .

Oh yeah, I know I can!

It's been more than a month since school started. I have a love-hate relationship with my schedule, I'm taking up my majors and I joined 3 organizations this sem. I can't wait 'till exams started popping on my calendar and to-do list...not. 

Anyway, it wasn't really bad. I kinda braced myself and I also think that I'm already used to it. It's a good thing I'm surrounded with good vibes right now. And hell yeah, I'm with the right person people. ♥

Something is on the rocks though, but I'm working on it. We're probably going through a phase which is, I guess, normal. I hope so. I'm trying my best to focus on making the most out of life and lessen the sulking.  There is more to life. But then again, I must not allow myself to take things for granted. 

Sigh. I can do this. Carpe diem!

As I read through old posts and journals entries, I realized that maybe I finally grew tired of everything. I grew tired of worrying too much so I decided to let go of it.

I crashed, crumbled and fell. I tried hard to put the pieces back. I had to start over again...and I knew had to do things in a different way.

Little by little, I make efforts on overcoming my fears. I started facing the things I have been avoiding for so long and I'm still willing to work on overthrowing them completely.

I feel more alive.

It doesn't feel perfect and I'm expecting huge waves of future setbacks but it really feels fine.

I know I'll be fine.  ♥

I promise not to make promises anymore.

"Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine" ♪

...Or does it really?

I've been on a hiatus and now I'm back again.

I know I don't keep my promises but I'm trying to regain myself back because I know I've been so abusive. Frankly speaking, I blame school for ruining my social and personal life. I know it sounds angsty but I'm quite suprised that I don't feel so anxious about it at all. Maybe because I have gotten so used to it and even if I know it stresses me out, I feel no resentment about it. I now understand the meaning of what they call "sweet cerebral torture." (Jeez, I want that shirt. Why didn't I hoard such merchandise when I had more access to it before?)

And because I'm fairly an optimistic sort for a pessimist, I will start over again.

I now proclaim my comeback, people of the cyberspace. I'm back on blogging again.

Umaasa ka pa bang magiging totoo ang lahat?

Minsan mas mabuti pa ngang walang panaginip. Natulog kang madilim lang. Pagkagising mo, parang pumikit ka lang. Mas mabuti pa kung hindi ka nalang marunong mag-isip ng mga bagay na maaaring mangyari pero hindi naman talaga pwedeng mangyari. Pero kung iisipin mo hindi ka naman nag-iisip na gaya ng pag-iisip mo sa tuwing nagsusulat ka ng nobela. Hindi mo naman pinaplano kung anong mangyayari sa panaginip mo. Sadyang ganoon na lamang siguro kalalim ang nararamdaman mo kung kaya't kusa na siyang ipinapalabas ng utak mo.

Parang sine. Parang pelikula. Ikaw ang bida at siya naman ang iyong kapareha. Pero bakit lagi kang malungkot sa mga eksena?

Kahit nasa proseso ka na nang unti-unting paglimot, ayaw ka paring tantanan ng kaisipang "pwede pa siguro". Minsan hindi na nakakatuwa. Hindi ka makaurong. Hindi ka makahanap ng iba. Pero ang pang-asar pa, ikaw rin naman itong ayaw lumayo. Ayaw mong mawala ang mga panaginip.

At muli sa iyong pag-idlip, dadalawin ka nanaman niya. Ibang lugar, ibang sitwasyon, ibang panahon. Sa huli, hindi pala mga kamay niya ang pupuno sa mga lakdaw ng iyong mga daliri.

Biglang tutunog ang orasan. 

 12.13.09

 1. Do more. Never let ideas fleet away.
2. Join an acad org and a non-acad org next sem.
3. I've got quite a few number of clothes in my closet I have yet to wear. I must wear what I really want to wear and not the first thing that I would see...Wear those outfits I put together in my mind.
4. Think of parties...and cosplay.
5. For music stock and some photos
6. This sedentary lifestyle makes me feel weak. I badly need physical activity. Whenever I have enough of it, I feel hyper...And yeah, so I can rock any outfit. (See no. 3)
7. Pass, er, Ace Math 11!!!!!!  Enough said. 
8. Never call it a day when all you did was Facebook and sleep. (See no. 1)

 
And then our sometimes becomes often.

 
We often tell ourselves to move on and start anew but we just can't because it has already become a cycle - an unbreakable habit we can't seem to live without. We're now in a point where we can tell ourselves today that it's over and then feel miserable the next morning so it all comes back in the afternoon.

 
We tell ourselves that this brand of uncertainty is an exciting drug - a drug that brings about euphoria but with an expensive price tag. There goes a temporary high then a "rock-bottom-feel" low after.

 
We disappoint ourselves for expecting too much. And just like the movies, we create scenes in our minds hoping it would happen for real but there's a line drawn in between. Reality wins. We and our fantasies lose.

 
We're caught in an excruciating, bittersweet situation that seems hopeless yet we enjoy it because we can't let go.